


Chris just literally bangs with a Zamboni

by louciferish



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Inanimate Object Porn, M/M, Other, Weird Plot Shit, Zamboni, strange words for sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 17:08:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13885302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louciferish/pseuds/louciferish
Summary: Please don't read this. It's not what I want to be remembered for.





	Chris just literally bangs with a Zamboni

**Author's Note:**

> LLYBB, you guys know who to blame for this.

Christophe Giacumetti has been very disappointed by America so far. He came to Detroit to practice for some reason, who cares? And also because he wanted to get himself some of that Thai sweet chili action.

He’s been skating at the same rink Phichit should be at for some days and that Ciao Ciao guy is looking at him real suspiciously, but he hasn’t seen a single hair on his hot little coconut’s head all week. 

“Hey, Chris,” Ciao Ciao yells at him from across the rink, maybe squinting or maybe just his face. “I’m leaving. Be sure you clean up when you’re finished!”

“Sure thing,” Chris says, cocking his hip and blowing him a kiss.

“No, I mean really clean up,” Ciao Ciao yells back. Definitely he’s suspicious. “Like I want you to scrub that ice. And then dump Clorox on it. And then wash it again.”

“Okay,” Chris yells back. “Whatever you say.”

He’s not going to do any of it anyway.

The coach leaves and turns a bunch of the lights out, leaving Chris alone in a dim, empty rink. Well he came here to have fun and he’s not going to let not having a partner stop him now. He slides his hand down his chest and then sexily rubs his hot manmeat through his yoga pants. 

Chris has a fever and the only cure is straight up humping the ice until he spooches everywhere.

A low rumbling noise startles him right in the middle of stroking his disco stick. He spins around on the ice and spots it at once- a bright red Zamboni is trundling onto the ice, engine purring, but curiously without a driver. 

It stops abruptly and Chris cautiously skates over to check it out. It’s quite polished, tartly cherry and sleek. Could it be a new model? Maybe its like if a Zamboni fucked a Roomba and this is its automated cleaning slave baby?

He circles around it, noticing a curious decal of some sort of rodent stuck directly above the tailpipe. It reminds him of his sexy friend Phichit, and that gets him feeling all hot in his crocs again. Except he’s wearing ice skates and Crocs are ugly.

Suddenly it strikes him that this little red Zamboni is looking pretty sexy as well. Chris has only fucked on a Zamboni three, maybe five times, so it would definitely be a new experience. 

He hops up on the back of the Zamboni, wiggling his bubble butt on the seat. It’s surprisingly plush and soft. He runs his hands over the console and gently strokes the driveshaft with his fingers. The engine seems to rumble a little louder, vibrating his honeypot through the seat. 

Chris leans back, licking his lips as he grabs at his turgid peen. “You ready for this you hot little piece of steel?” He asks the Zamboni. It flashes its headlights on the ice like a strobe. That is definitely enthusiastic consent in Zamboni.

He turns around, rubbing his lucious buttocks all over the steering wheel as he seductively straddles the seat. “Mm, yeah, you like that?” He pulls his pants out of the way, rubbing his red hot hunk of spicy sausage on the smooth, sumptuous pleather seat back. 

The Zamboni goes “Beep!” with excitement and Chris moans loudly like “Ooooohoohoohoho.” He humps the back of the seat like a chihuahua humps a leg, howling loudly the entire time, until he finally comes with a great SPLORT.

The Zamboni goes, “BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.”

And then Chris falls onto the ice.

He rolls onto his side to see Phichit lying on the ice next to him where the Zamboni had been, looking all sexily disheveled with a giant glob of brogurt running down his chest. 

“Chris, you saved me! How did you know I’d been cursed by a magic time-traveling Zamboni that either causes or solves murders? I’ve been trying to tell Ciao Ciao for days!” 

Phichit it blushing very temptingly. “Oh, I don’t know. I just had a feeling something was up with that Zamboni.”

“You know,” Phichit says. “I appreciate your efforts and all, but I’m pretty sure a kiss would have broken the curse.”

“Okay,” Chris rolls over, pinning his sweet little hamster tail to the ice beneath him. “We can try that too.”


End file.
